Finding gratitude in being single, especially if it has been a long time, can be difficult.
But human nature is look for greener pastures no matter where we are. Since ending my last relationship, I can honestly say that this is first time I am happily single.
And there are days that I feel lonely, where I crave connection with a beloved so badly, where I want to be fucked and to be made love to. Days where building a life with someone while retaining a strong sense of my own identity seems like a fantastical idea.
But there are so many positives to being alone that we ignore in our pursuit for 'the one'. So, while sipping Greek wine on my terrace, alone, I listed the five reasons why I love being single:
You get the whole bed to yourself. love cuddles as much as the next person but lets be honest, this is definitely a plus of being single.
You never have to compromise. EVER. All relationships, particularly if you live together, require A LOT of compromise and negotiation. You are trying to build a life together, simultaneously hoping you or the other person will change and evolve with you, but really having no idea. There is a sweetness to being able to get up on a Saturday morning, having absolutely no plans and not having to 'check in' with anyone else.
Travelling alone. There is nothing like being in a foreign place, without being accountable to anyone except yourself. For me, travelling alone is freeing and liberating - without anyone else to rely on, there is a sense of achievement in finding your hostel, getting on the right train or ordering a meal while stumbling through a foreign language. My recent trip to the Greek Islands would not have been the same had I been in a relationship, and I still look back and remember how good it felt to just BE present where I was in every moment.
Dating. I am a self confessed introvert, and it takes a lot to get me into a bra and out of the house to meet anyone, let alone a perfect stranger who happens to be of the opposite sex and could potentially be a partner for life. But there is nothing quite like the excitement of getting dressed up for a first date and feeling into all the possibilities that could eventuate from the encounter. Dating, with the right intention, can be so much FUN.
You can work through your stuff, get clear on your boundaries and what you REALLY want.The space between your last lover and new lover is time to be savoured, for it is perhaps the only time we have to get real about what we want without the distraction of compromise and negotiation that come with being in a relationship. When you know who you are, and what you want, you know what you are willing to compromise on, and what your non-negotitables are. And the person that respects these boundaries, and loves you for them, will be the person for you.
Jumping into new relationships is exciting, but I have found the past nine months have provided the space to work some deeply rooted beliefs and emotional patterns that were limiting me, and holding me back from what was in my best interest. If you are single, and are not sure what you want but know its completely different from your last relationship, its time to find out what is holding you back from attracting the partner or lover your crave (the answer may surprise you). I have created a quiz exactly for this purpose, to reveal which patterns you tend to repeat in relationships. Scroll down to subscribe to my email list to get your copy!