Today I'm talking about how we know when we're ready to sleep with someone.
The truth is that no one can tell you when you're ready - only you can know. Forget all the rules you have heard, or perhaps created (and then broken) in the past. All of it.
When we tune into our bodies, we know.
The four energy centres that I tune into when I am deciding whether I want to sleep with someone are the base root, sacral, heart and third eye chakra.
Your base root chakra is where your ‘animal’ like sexual desire is most strongly activated. So if you are physically attracted to the person you are dating, its pretty likely you will feel turned on by the other person, perhaps even that ‘gotta f**k’ sense of urgency. But sex is not just a physical act, it is also an emotional and spiritual act. So when we're deciding if we want to sleep with someone this is not the most trustworthy source of information.
The next centre is the sacral chakra which sits in your womb space. The sacral chakra is very much linked to creativity, money and sexuality. It is where your intuition exists, or that ‘gut feeling’ which is often the hardest to decifer but if you feel any sense of tightness, or nausea, or uncertainty, its likely to come from here.
To feel into your heart chakra, place your hand over your heart and ask whether you are ready to sleep with this person. For me I can feel the yes coming from that place, and often my head and my heart are in opposition. So I might hear an answer but it is coming from a higher place while the heart answer is softer, and feels like it is coming from the heart space.
Third Eye Chakra
The Third Eye: Even though I act advocate for being in your body, your head does have a role to play in this. You have decided with your mind what kind of relationship you want, so if you're looking for a relationship that's long term but this person is leaving the next day, then it might be in your best interests not to sleep with them. Or, perhaps not.
Listen to that voice in your head. If that voice in your head is judging you for wanting to sleep with someone on the first day when all of the other centres are saying yes get curious about where this judgement might be coming from. Take what your head says into consideration but don't let it dominate how you want to feel.
In the past I've used sex as a way to deepen a connection which I wasn’t ready for, and didn’t listen to the wisdom of these four energy centres. This often ended in feeling a flatness after sex, a sense of regret, or sadness.
I hope this was useful for you! If you are looking for more guidance on conscious dating and understanding your attractions, feel free drop me an email and don’t forget to grab your copy of my conscious dating and relationships guide.