Video: Dating people who aren’t your type

Why do people take their type?

The simple answer is that we are attracted to people and relationships that are familiar. Some of us may develop a ‘type’ in our teenage years and early 20s which is more often than not based on what society tells us we should want. When we can really understand who we are attracted to and why, we can start to see familiar patterns based on our parents relationship.

The more we can start to see ourselves fully, the more we start to see others without the lenses and filters we have developed overtime and can start to date people who might not be our typical type.

Often when we start dating people intentionally, we mistake these attractions for friendship because there is not the same intense physical or sexual attraction (or ‘spark’) there. We might feel a warm, gentle presence being around these kinds of people, and perhaps there is a slight attraction there, but it is based on who that person is rather than being based on ‘chemistry’.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, an attraction of deprivation in my experience is someone who is either unavailable, not good for us in some way, or treats us poorly. I believe that the reason these attractions feel so much like love is to force us to become aware of what needs to be healed within us by often, breaking us down and giving us no choice but to look at our own stuff.

When we date our type, we can form a preconceived idea of who this person is based on past experiences.

And if this happens, we can start to project what we think they should be, rather than seeing them for who they are (in my experience, people are way more amazing than what we give them credit for). I have definitely been guilty of brushing people aside because they didn't fit in with the type of man that I thought I needed. And I have also dated people for too long, hoping to create the spark ‘over time’ when really it was purely friendship.

So try to be present with the connection for what it is right now, rather than what it could be in the long run, or what it should be according to you. And come back to your heart, always.