Today I'm to be talking about what Ken Page describes as ‘the wave’ that happens when we start dating someone. It usually rolls like this - we meet someone and they're PERFECT. We love how we feel around them, they tick all our metaphorical boxers and we start to think this person might be the elusive ‘one’.
But then, we might start to feel like they're not as attractive to us anymore. We start to nit pick and notice that their flaws. Small things they do start to annoy us and we wonder why we never noticed it before.
What is happening is our mind or ego is feeling uncomfortable because we are starting to love this person more deeply, and now they have the capacity to hurt us. Resistance is always going to come up the mind only knows what is comfortable and what is uncomfortable.
As we start to become more deeply connected to someone , our fear can resurface. This manifests in two ways - either we can blame the other person break up with them or we think there must be something wrong with us, that we have commitment issues.
The fact that you have let someone come this far in your dating journey means that this person has opened your heart so much that you're starting to feel a bit of fear and resistance towards opening up more. So instead of breaking up with them or blaming yourself for not being able to commit to someone, think about it as a signal to lean in deeper. Start to get curious about why why this person is no longer attractive to you.
If you think that the other person might be doing this the other person's leaning away because they're feeling scared and vulnerable then give them the space that they that they need. But do not diminish how much joy they bring to you, because all this will do is reaffirm for that person that love is not ‘for them’ and that they can't experience true love because you are pulling away to give them space. Try and remain open and present with those feelings.
I hope this was insightful for you! When I started to understand how this wave of emotion operates when we are dating, I couldn’t tell whether I was pushing them away legitimately because they were not for me, or if I was feeling fear because I was starting to love them more deeply. So try to notice where these thoughts are coming from by dropping into a short meditation, or simply taking some deep belly breaths.
If you would like more insight into who you are attracting and why, grab your copy of my conscious dating and relationships guide and feel free to drop me an email if you have any questions <3